Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Dear Soon to be ex husband

A letter to my husband.  William Jamal Nelson

Dear Jamie,

It absolutely blows my mind the person you have become.  The person I met October 1999 was a kindhearted, selfless, determined, and who loved life.  The person you became has confused everyone.  You will make sure your way is gotten no matter who you step over, even your own mother.  Your children love the ground you walk on, especially your son, even to the point where as a mother, I'm not even respected.  You wouldn't know that feeling  because you swoop in for a couple of hours, quarterly and play daddy dearest.  But it is I that holds heads when you leave, answering questions about why you're not here, when are you coming.  You don't even call, but will post from your phone all day that you're bored on different social medias.  You'll text me and ask about them, and by them I mean Goose only, when you need to find something out from me.  By the way, you have 2 children.  Maybe you don't even realize that you rarely acknowledge Ciara's existence.  

Now there's no bitterness on my part.  Just anger.  The whirlwind of emotions you cause your son to go through comes out at me and I am powerless. I just stand confused sometimes because I look at you and it's like staring into the eyes of a stranger, not the man I knew. I gain strength in knowing we were almost homeless. You had already moved on in your life and had no plans of looking back.  You aren't even paying child support anymore, so for the 8th month in a row, my daughter is not home because I can't afford to put her in daycare and have no one that can watch her.  But do you care?  No.  I'm borrowing money from people to take care of these children to provide their basic needs such as clothes, food, school activites, and even sometimes bills.  I'm the one sacrificing and missing days for them.  I put off my entire life and at the age of 28 I am starting over and you have the fucking audacity to say you gave me your GI Bill as a favor?  To benift and better my life?  Man mother fuck you.  I sacrifice EVERYTHING for you, and if you think you will walk this earth believing that everything you have even accomplished was not for the support and love your family, and by family I mean me and your children, gave you and the sacrifices we gave, then good luck, lets see how you flourish now that I could give 2 shits and a half a fuck, thanks to my new payload.  But I do however thank you,  because I recognize bullshit in it's tracks now and I am smart enough not to ever make the same mistakes (you or your bullshit) again.  I have my confidence back, no one is constantly badgering me, lying to me, disrespecting me (in all ways), and ignoring me as if I don't even exist.  

Eventually these kids will forget about you.  I can't wait for that day.  Then the emotional turmoil will stop and maybe my children will respect me and love me the way they love you.  Till then, I have a lot of work to do.

Enjoy your life, I wish you well.

Stacy Nelson


  1. I know that you are in pain. I know you are hurting deep. I won't insult you by saying I know how you feel because I don't. I haven't lived through it.

    I will say that parental love is not mutually exclusive. The way that children feel about one parent is not based on how the feel about the other parent. Did you love only one of your parents at a time? Your relationship with your children is yours and theirs alone. They don't love you less because of him. They love you because you are their mother.

  2. Don't worry about your children. Kids are resilient. They may not understand everything now, but as they grow, they will remember the many sacrifices mommy made in order to provide for them, and when they think back, they will notice that dad wasn't there. They will learn to appreciate you for who you are even more everyday. Just be patient, and know that you're not the first woman to have to face this alone, and you won't be the last. Women are strong (we always have been and we always will be) and moms are even stronger. Do your best. That's all anyone can ask you to do.