Saturday, June 25, 2011


I'm just sitting here thinking.  How nice it is to be with someone.  Emotionally attached. 
I have a person who is my best friend.  I spend everyday with him and the more I spend the deeper i feel.  It's almost like he fills the void that I was missing for so long and I can't get enough.  I had tons of feelings back in the day for him but was too scared to speak up due to a fear of rejection.  Now that I'm almost 30 and have a true understanding of what love is, I think I'm falling in love with him. Anywhoo.....I miss being in love with some who is in love with me. I missing being emotionally attached to someone.  Crazy part is said friend is so close to me and i spend and value the time spent so much that i almost don't want to be in a relationship with anyone else because i enjoy spending that much time, however if i had to choose i'd want it to be that person....  There is just nothing spending with someone that is full of life and love.  i love when he holds me.  even the slightest touch makes my skin crawl and my butterflies turn.  The ringtone in my phone for him says:
All alone with you makes the butterflies in me arise.  slowly we make love and the earth rotates to our dictate.  slowly we make love-----Terrance Trent D'Arby "sign your name"  so i'm very conflicted.                                                                                                                             

on a side note, a side note of digressing, i truly miss being committed to someone.  I miss being married.  Just not the person i was married to.  the person i was married to in 2010 when i left was not the person i was married to in 2003 nor the person i met in 1999.  most heartbreaking thing ever to give my all to someone and receive an ass to kiss.  nothing worse than being discounted.  nothing worse than doing things from your heart and being told they mean nothing.  so i'm done with that chapter in life.  don't get me wrong, i love him.  he was my first in everything however i am able to past the firsts & move on to a love that i deserve and desire.  I don't ask for much.  I ask for an equal love.  unconditional love.  I miss being held and kissed.  I'm sweet and funny.  Smart and Loving.  Maybe one day i'll get it :)  I'm praying for it.

No comments:

Post a Comment